


Desperado

by TheSaraBeara



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Earthborn (Mass Effect), Eventual Relationships, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Interspecies Romance, Non-Canon Relationship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Second Chances, Slow Burn, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-23 07:48:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23008129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSaraBeara/pseuds/TheSaraBeara
Summary: This story was supposed to be a short one-shot, full of smut and fluff. I was writing to practice for another story I’m working on and somehow it turned into something entirely different. Enjoy.*Warning*This story is explicit and graphic in detail. This includes violence, blood and the use of some medical terminology. If you are a person who becomes queasy or nauseous at the idea of blood this, chapter is full of it. You have been warned.It started simply enough. He was purely a platonic distraction. A man who was a  good storyteller and he had something she wanted… whiskey. The day’s mission had weighed heavily on her and she didn’t want to think about it anymore. Life aboard a starship had always been hard but somehow recently, it had gotten worse. Ever since Kasumi had moved in to port observation, going to the lounge for a drink was impossible. Unless you wanted to play 20 questions with her for an hour and on that particular night, Shepard wasn’t in the mood.She headed down to the engineering deck and knocked on the old mercenary’s door…
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard, Thane Krios/Female Shepard, Zaeed Massani/Female Shepard
Comments: 7
Kudos: 35





	1. Whisky

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This was written for fun, not for profit. All characters, places and things belong to BioWare.

~Desperado: noun- a desperate or reckless person, especially a criminal.~

It was late and Kasumi was in the port observation sleeping…supposedly. She was probably secretly watching Jacob work out or watching him masturbate. It didn't matter. 

Running into her at all would be a nuisance, and all Shepard wanted was a drink and her bottle in her cabin was empty. If she went to Port Observation, the best case scenario would be Kasumi actually sleeping, but the risk of waking her was a real possibility and Shepard didn’t dare to disturb her. Worst case, she would be awake and then trap Shepard in the lounge for hours, asking her invading questions or just generally being annoying. She had to figure something else out.

Jack maybe… NO. She stopped that thought right there. Even if Jack had some booze, she would want something in return for it and her insecurities were not what Shepard wanted to deal with at the moment. She had her own to worry about. 

Massani was the safest option. Plus, Shepard hadn’t spent much time with him other than a few missions here and there. 

He had been the very first specialist she had recruited, maybe this would be a good way to get to know him better. 

Before she even realized it, she found herself knocking on his door, requesting entry. 

“Shepard. I was just waxing goddamn nostalgic! Want to hear about an old mission? He was leaning up against the wall nonchalantly as if he always expected guests. She had to force herself to not roll her eyes at him. 

“Massani. I’d love to hear about an old mission in exchange for a drink.”

“Ha! That nosey bitch in the lounge giving you trouble Shepard?” He moved to a storage crate and pulled out a bottle of Jack. Not her favorite… but it would do. “I would have thought a big girl like yourself could handle a little girl like her.” 

She closed her eyes, maybe coming down here was a mistake.. No. He’s a mercenary, a gun for hire. Technically not a subordinate because he was self-actualized and didn’t need her to prove something to the galaxy. Talk to him like you would any other soldier. She took a deep breath.

“Fuck off Massani and pour.”

He cracked a small smile and grabbed two glasses. 

They drank way more than she had originally wanted. Her cybernetic implants and modifications, compliments of Cerberus, meant she metabolized alcohol far faster than any human. So long story short, she could get buzzed but it would take way more than one bottle to get her drunk. 

He didn’t know that though.

Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe he was just as lonely as she was but he let her drink his whisky and she let him talk. It was surprisingly relaxing. 

He told her about old suicide missions while she asked him about the objects he had around his room. It surprised her how much he shared. For some reason, she had assumed he would have been more private but the old bastard had a sentimental streak. It was absolutely adorable, in a scary professional killer kind of way. 

Once they were almost done with his bottle of Jack, she stood and stretched. One drink had turned into one too many and it was now very late. Time to give him the classic Shepard and leave.

She stood up and moved across the room to put her glass down.“I should go.” 

He stared at her with wide disbelieving eyes.

“Thanks for story time and the drink.”

“Drink? You downed the entire goddamn bottle!”

She smiled and winked at him “Let’s do this again sometime.” 

She walked to his door knowing he was watching and waiting for her to stumble. However, when she didn’t, he chuckled to himself.

“Damn. That cunt can drink.”

She tried to suppress a laugh but couldn’t and ended up laughing all the way to the lift. Okay, maybe she had a little too much to drink.

*********************************************************************************************************************************************

The next day an urgent distress call came in from a Cerberus base nearby and the Illusive Man wanted it dealt with ASAP. The facility was responsible for designing prototype weaponry and the organization could not afford losing it …blah blah blah. The back story didn’t fucking matter. It was a job and it needed doing. End of story.

She messaged Massani. She had remembered something he had said the previous night. 

“Want to add a few more numbers to that Cerberus body count you lost track off?”  
She forwarded him and Miranda the itinerary for the base and their ETA. Miranda wasn’t her first choice to bring along on missions but TIM (The Illusive Man) insisted and Shepard agreed it was a smart choice. The base being Cerberus meant Miranda had the most expertise with their systems and could actually be useful in this scenario. After all, if Shepard didn’t use her specialist for what they specialized in. What was the point in having them around? 

Massani messaged back.

“397”

Shepard laughed out loud “Ha!” attracting a strange look from Kelly her yeoman. She returned her eyes back to her terminal and smiled.

In the hanger, Shepard and Massani arrived wearing their heavy armor like usual. While Miranda showed up in that stupid useless catsuit she wore on every mission, like usual.

She turned to Miranda.

“Lawson. We are heading into a hijacked base, filled with experimental weapon tech.”

“I am aware, Shepard.”

“So…I would advise you as your commanding officer to go and put on some actual armor.”

“Your concern is noted Shepard. I’ll be fine.” She walked right past Shepard and into the shuttle without a backward glance. 

Shepard continued to stare after Miranda.

“Do you want to shoot her? Or should I?” Massani asked under his breath.

Shepard smiled “Let’s just get this over with.”

**************************************************************************************************************************************************

No enemy fire upon touch down. 

No enemy fire upon entry on the base. 

No enemies or ‘friendlys’ at all for that matter. 

No scorch marks or bodies or any evidence of a fight.

“Too quiet” Massani whispered.

“I agree. Lawson, fall back. Massani, move to my second.”

“Shepard, I would prefer...”

“That is an order, Miranda!”

“Yes, Commander.”

Massani came up on Shepard’s left side.

“Stay sharp. Something isn’t right.” Shepard whispered.

“Could be an ambush or a ploy to move us deeper in the facility.” Massani added.

“Let’s keep moving.” 

They continued their way through the base meeting zero resistance and coming across no employees or weapons tech at all. 

Shepard was about to question Miranda on the validity of the distress call when Miranda veered off towards the labs at a dead run. She was through the doors and gone from sight before Shepard could even respond.

“Miranda, what the hell are you doing?!”

Shepard turned after her with Massani watching her flank “What is that skinny bitch up to?!” He growled. 

Then gunfire erupted from the lab doors Miranda had just disappeared behind. 

Shepard and Massani took up positions on either side of the entrance.

“Miranda come in! Miranda answer me!” What the hell was she thinking, taking off like that?

“Taking fire Shepard, I need reinforcements.” Miranda finally answered.

“After this is done, you and I are having a serious conversation about the chain of command.”

Shepard cracked the door to get a peek at what they were dealing with and received gun fire in return.

“… and armor!” Shepard yelled.

“I’m gonna have to make a run for it Massani, cover me.”

“You got it.”

When Shepard burst into the lab she ran head first into direct fire from Miranda. Enemies were being pinned down on either side of the lab doors. Miranda's gun fire was preventing them from escaping the room. Shepard shields flared out around her as she made it over a lab desk and into cover before she yelled at Miranda again.

“… and your communication skills are shit! Hold your fire Massani, hostiles pinned down opposite side of lab doors. Keep them there.”

“Got it.”

Shepard made her way to Miranda. “What the fuck is going on?”

“Can’t explain now Shepard. Cover me.” Miranda leapt over the desk and ran to a set of terminals at the end of the room and pulled up her Omi tool.

“Stop her!” One of the hostiles yelled.

Shepard took up position and aimed. This was the first opportunity she really had to look at the people gathered by the doors. They were men and women all in lab coats and only two were armed but their aim was complete crap. They were huddled together, some were crying while others were just bleeding. 

A sinking feeling began in Shepard’s chest that worked its way to the pit of her stomach. These weren’t hostiles, they were lab technicians. 

“EDI?” Shepard called. No reply.

“Normandy come in.” No reply.

“Joker come in.” No reply. 

“Miranda, what…”

“Do it!” One of the techs yelled.

“But we will lose all our data!” Another responded.

“It’s better than Cerberus getting it.”

An unarmed lab tech stood up and ran to a big red button in the middle of the wall and pressed it. Activating a localized EMP. Effectively rendering every electronic device within a 1000 meter radius dead and useless. This included guns, hard suits, Omni tools, communication devices and the terminal Miranda happened to be downloading from. 

“NO!” Miranda yelled. “Do you have any idea how important that data was Shepard!!”

Shepard stood and holstered her rifle on her back and began walking towards Miranda.

“No I don’t. Maybe if you had told me…

She was cut off when Massani shouted from behind her. She turned to see a lab tech standing in point blank rang with a modified… crossbow? 

He fired it. Shepard tried to dive out of the shot but was pushed forward by a biotic shield coming from Miranda. The blast went wide and spread out across her upper body, like a shotgun round.

She hit the ground hard and was dazed for what felt like a moment. She came back around to the sound of Miranda and Zaeed yelling at each other.

Shepard closed her eyes. Just breathe. Take stock of what is hurt. The crossbow hit her under her arm or was it her rib or her shoulder? She couldn’t tell. It felt like multiple hits but that couldn’t be right. Her left arm was unresponsive. She was having trouble breathing and tasted blood. Heart beat was elevated. 

Okay, just calm down. Rationalize. You’ve knocked the wind out of yourself, that’s why you can’t breathe. You taste blood because you bit down on you check when you hit the ground. Your arm is unresponsive because the bolt hit you in the shoulder, down your arm and into your ribs. 

Now. Get. Up.

She used her right arm to push herself up and then she grabbed the edge of the lab desk to help herself stand. She took a step forward and stumbled, falling over on the desk momentarily. She tried again and was able to stand. She looked down to the floor which was covered in blood, too much blood. She looked at her left arm and could see multiple bolts sticking out through her armor. One in her chest, one in her shoulder, two in her arm and three in her back. 

Fuck. 

So much for rationalizing. 

The EMP would have taken down her suit. 

No medical monitoring. 

No medi-gel dispensed. 

No communication with the Normandy. 

No backup. 

No evac. 

The techs were gone. Miranda was still in her biotic shield and Zaeed was throwing random objects at her, while still yelling at each other. It was a complete shit show.

Shepard yelled “Enough! We have to get out of here. Move out!”

Shepard made it out the lab doors and down the hall when she began feeling dizzy. She placed her right arm against the wall for support. 

Miranda and Zaeed rushed to her but she reached for Zaeed first. She put her right arm around his shoulders and he grabbed her around the waist causing Shepard to gasp in pain. 

“It’s not every day you get to be a goddamn pin cushion Shepard.”

“Bastard, don’t make me laugh.”

The walk through the facility was growing more and more difficult for Shepard. She was pretty sure one of her lungs was punctured and her breathing was becoming shallow. She was losing too much blood and leaving a trail of it everywhere. She didn’t know how much longer she would be able to walk, let alone stand. 

Her grip around Zaeed’s shoulder was beginning to loosen, he grabbed her hand and pulled her further up his shoulder. 

Soon she could feel herself being dragged by him. He grabbed her tighter around the waist and picked her up in his arms. As if she and her armor weighed nothing but she knew, she was damn heavy as dead weight. 

“Your name…Massani… what is that… Italian?” 

He would have laughed but it was cut off by Shepard coughing up blood all over his chest.

Last night was the first time he had spent with her outside of a mission. Hell, he didn’t even know her first name and she was probably about to die in his arms.  
“It’s Arabic. Same with Zaeed. Means felicitous.”

Shepard chuckled which led to more coughing, she weakly added “…that’s fitting…get it.” And promptly passed out.

She came back around to the sound of alarms. Guess the lab techs made it to the security systems. Which could mean they may be trying to send a distress signal that the Normandy would pick up. 

At the facility exit doors they meet resistance by security drones and a few guards whose weapons were outside the field of the EMP and were perfectly functional.  
They took cover behind a row of couches where Zaeed put her down as gently as he could. 

Miranda was doing just fine. She had her biotics as the EMP did not affect any of her genetic abilities. Her protective barriers were strong and she could also create warp fields that lifted opponents in the air and slammed them into the ground. 

Zaeed, on the other hand, was not a biotic. He had no shields or working weapons and was pinned down behind the couch. He felt completely useless without a gun.  
So he did the only thing he could think of. He grabbed a few grenades from his belt and started ripping it apart. Maybe he could rig it to explode. 

Shepard pulled herself to the reception desk near the exit doors. She lifted herself up to the terminal on the desk, which was not even password protected. Just another piece to add to the ‘not actually a Cerberus base puzzle’ this mission had become. She sent a transmission on all signals hoping the Normandy would get it.

All it read was: MED EMERGENCY. EVAC NOW.

Zaeed was used to working alone and something about Lawson told him that she did too. However, if they wanted to get Shepard out of here alive they were going to need to work together.

“Shepards gonna goddamn bleed out before you shake those damn droids to death!”

“She’ll be fine. You should worry more about yourself.” 

“Frigid Bitch.” Zaeed said loudly. He continued working on the grenades, the timers in them were completely fried from the EMP but the fuse and charge were still mechanical. If he could modify them to explode on impact, then all he would need to do is throw them really hard.

“Focus on the guards, I’ve got the droids.”

“I'll believe it when I see it, old man.” Miranda said coldly.

Zaeed stood suddenly and threw a grenade as hard as he could at the closest droid. The modified incendiary grenade burst into flames upon impact causing the droid to catch on fire then explode. 

He took cover again,“This aint my first fucking rodeo, little girl.”

Miranda said nothing and turned her attention to the guards. 

Zaeed took out the last droid and dove for cover again. “Waiting on you sweetheart.”

Miranda let her anger fuel her biotic amp. “Don’t call me SWEETHEART!” She pushed a massive warp field towards the guards knocking them back against the wall. They all fell to the floor, out cold.

With a smug smile on her face, Miranda stood up from behind the couch, “Clear.” 

Zaeed ignored her, turning to grab Shepard, only to discover she wasn't with them. Instead he found a long trail of blood leading towards a desk in the room.  
He followed the blood trail to the desk which he discovered had a terminal, and sure enough found her leaning against it, unconscious.

Zaeed knelt down and gently picked Shepard up. “Come on, you crazy cunt, hold on just a little longer.”

Miranda focused her attention on the terminal instead, “She sent a distress call on all channels. The Normandy responded. Shuttle is inbound.”

The shuttle was in sight as they exited the base. Karen and Mordin could be seen through the open shuttle doors. Zaeed began to run. He knew it would hurt Shepard but she had lost so much blood. She was knocking on deaths door and he wasn’t about to deliver her there. Plus, that big Turian in the main battery would probably kill him if he let her die like this. 

Before the shuttle even touched down Zaeed had jumped up into it and placed Shepard down on her right side. 

“What the hell happened?” Karen shouted as the doors shut and the shuttle took off. 

Miranda gave them the sum up. “EMP...Crossbow...”

Mordin began scanning her. “Tachycardia. BP dropping rapidly. Multiple entry wounds, no exits. Internal bleeding. Dyspnea. Edema. Punctured left lung. Shepard’s drowning.” 

“Massani, prop her up.” He moved behind her and sat on the shuttle floor propping her up with her back on his chest. Her head was leaning on his shoulder. Her eyes were open and she was trying to speak. Karen placed an oxygen mask over Shepard’s mouth blocking whatever it was she was trying to say. 

Miranda was working on getting Shepard’s left gauntlet off when Shepard grabbed Miranda around the throat with her hand and squeezed. 

Zaeed was impressed with the grip she still had even in the state she was in. Turns out rage was one hell of an anesthetic. He pried her hand away and couldn’t help but grin when Miranda coughed slightly. She better hope Shepard dies in this shuttle because Miranda is gonna get spaced after this. 

He wasn’t sure what happened in that lab but he was 100% sure that it was not a Cerberus base. He also knew a botched job when he saw one.

He removed Shepard’s gauntlet himself, while the doctor cut off her compression suit around her arm. 

Her chest piece was being pinned down on either side by the metal bolts from the crossbow. Getting that off would have to wait till they reached the Normandy. 

Karen and Miranda were busy plugging Shepard up to blood and medi-gel bags. When Mordin turned and knelt down to Shepard’s chest with a giant needle.

“Hold her very still Massani.”

He wrapped an arm around her upper chest and the other around her waist.

The sudden pressure caused Shepard’s eyes to grow wide from pain, then they rolled to the back of her head as she lost consciousness again. 

Mordin inserted the massive needle in-between a crack the bolt had made in her chest plate armor and rapidly pushed the needle into her lung. 

The effect was slow at first but blood began to drain and Shepard’s breathing became less shallow.

Zaeed held her against his chest until they touched down in the hanger and the shuttle doors opened. He picked up Shepard as the big Turian was rushing towards the shuttle.

Shepard had regained consciousness and was trying to remove the oxygen mask from her face by the time Garrus had reached them. 

Garrus pulled her hand from the mask and held it tightly within his own “Spirts, Shepard, don’t….”

She tried to shake her hand from his and when he let go she attempted taking the mask off again.

“Shepard what are you doing?” Garrus asked in shock.

“She’s been trying to speak the entire shuttle ride here. Let her.” Zaeed responded.

As they reached the lift, Garrus helped her remove the mask and leaned down to her face. A moment later he moved his arm up to her and activated his Omni tool.

“…EDI.”

“Yes. Shepard?”

“Activate protocol number 9000263..no.236..fuck..number 9000236.”

“Voice authentication code required.”

“We ar.. al…nd..o….”  
“Voice authentication code failed. Voice authentication code required, Shepard.”

Shepard gave all the strength she had left “We are alpha and omega.”

“Voice authentication code confirmed.”

Everyone in the lift was watching in silence. Then EDI spoke over the main com addressing the entire ship. 

“Full command of the Normandy SR2 transferred to acting Captain Garrus Vakarian. Shepard is relieved of duty.”

Shepard was holding on to Garrus’s hand. “Don’t let Cerberus take the ship, Miranda …l.i.e.d...”

All eyes moved to Miranda while her blood drained from her face.

As the lift doors opened to the crew deck, Shepard started to convulse.

“She’s seizing.” Karen yelled. 

They rushed to the med bay and Zaeed put Shepard down on the bed.

“Going into cardiac arrest. Need to stabilize.” Mordin said calmly. 

“Get her armor off now!” Karen yelled handing Garrus a device similar to a bone saw.

“Garrus chest piece. Massani everything else.”

Zaeed and Garrus moved into action fast. Zaeed stripped Shepard of her armor from her feet up to her waist and then moved to help Garrus. Meanwhile Miranda started cutting off Shepard’s compression suit at the waist, arms and the lastly the centre chest.

“Mordin, this doesn’t make sense, she’s lost a lot of blood yes, but these readings are strange, it’s almost like she’s been…..”

“….poisoned.” Garrus finished. As he and Zaeed lifted off the fractured chest piece taking the compression suit with it. Blue green lines could be seen spreading from the entry points of the bolts.

“Analysing compound.” Said Mordin.

“She’s in afib. EDI antitachycardia pacing on my mark.”

“Yes, Doctor.”

Shepard shot up from the bed with her eyes wide open and screamed a silent scream as blood poured from her mouth. She fell back on the bed and flat lined.

“Now EDI!” A small blue orb appeared above Shepard’s chest and lowered into her heart and began to pulse.

“Anything Mordin?”

“Fascinatingly complex. Interesting. Look forward to further analysis. ”

“Running out of time, Mordin!”

“…Shepard….” Garrus fell to his knees. “…Not again.”

Karen’s intense eyes shot to Garrus, then they instantly soften. She turned her gaze to Zaeed next and her eyes pleaded with him, “Get him out of here.”

Zaeed helped the Turian up “Come on big fella, we’ve done all we can.” He turned him to the doors but Garrus refused to move any further. 

“I can’t…. leave her. I promised I wouldn’t.”

“MORDIN?!”

“Synthesization complete.” He moved to inject her heart directly first, then worked his way around to every entry point of the bolts. With EDI manually beating Shepard’s heart for her, the antidote slowly began to spread throughout her body. 

“EDI counter-shock.”

“Yes, Doctor. Defibrillation in 3…2…1…Clear.”

Everyone in the med bay was holding their breath. 

“Bradycardia sinus rhythm established.” 

Karen let out the breath and rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand.

“Let’s get her stabilized, then focus on the bolts, then the lungs.”

Karen noticed Zaeed and Garrus were still standing in the med bay, Zaeed shrugged and pointed to the Turian and shook his head. She sighed and walked over to Garrus. “Her heart is beating on its own Garrus but we’ve got a lot of work to do here and I can’t do that while worrying about you. Please go with Massani. You are the Captain of this ship now.” Garrus opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off. “Even if it’s temporary, they need you to be strong. EDI will keep you updated. Now get, go…shoo.” And she lightly pushed him towards the door.


	2. Hard One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? You been out ridin' fences for so long now… Oh, you're a hard one. But I know that you got your reasons…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for checking in, I'm still a piece of garbage!

When Zaeed exited the med bay he was surprised to find that most of the crew, including Joker, who never leaves his flight chair in the cockpit, had gathered in the mess hall. Gartner was making coffee, while Kasumi was pulling all the alcohol out of the port observation lounge and moving it to the tables.

Garrus straightened his back as Joker hobbled his way over.

Zaeed took this as an opportunity to escape. He passed the table of booze and grabbed the closest recognizable bottle to him on his way to the lift.

“How is she?” Joker asked.

Some of the crew heard him and started to move in closer. Soon Garrus was surrounded with concerned faces.

All Garrus could do was repeat what Karin had said “Her heart is beating on its own, that’s all I can say.” At that, the crew dispersed back into the mess, except for Joker.

“Damn. That bad huh? What happened?”

“I don’t know, but I plan to find out. Change current course and get us to the Citadel, Joker.” He started to walk away when Joker replied “Aye aye, Captain.” Garrus paused, hearing Joker call him Captain out loud scared him more than losing Shepard did.

It wasn't just her life he was protecting now, but everyone on the ship.

What was Shepard thinking? He wasn’t ready for this kind of responsibility, not after what happened on Omega.

He didn’t want to let her down. Hell, he didn’t want to let himself down, not again.

He sighed. Being consumed with self doubt would have to wait, now it was time to focus. The mercenary Massani had already been through alot today but Garrus needed to know what had happened in that base. Miranda was busy helping save Shepard’s life so questioning her was not an option at the moment. Plus, there was the comment from Shepard herself about Miranda that did not fill him with confidence.

Talk to the mercenary first, see what he knows.

*****

By the time Zaeed had made it to his makeshift room in the Starboard Cargo Area, he had downed a quarter of the gin he had grabbed on his way out of the mess. Not his favourite, but it would do.

He had been through countless missions, some successful, and more that weren’t. He had seen people, squad members, friends die but he had never seen someone sit up wide eyed, open their mouth to scream only to have blood pour out, then die.

It was something out of a goddamn nightmare.

He took another long drink from the gin bottle then lit a cigarette.

EDI’s blue form appeared “Massani, Captain Vakarian is requesting entry.”

Zaeed squeezed his eyes shut, of course the Turian wanted to talk.

He took a deep pull from his cigarette and let it out slowly, “Let him in.”

“Massani…” Garrus began but Zaeed cut him off with a wave of his hand.

“It wasn’t a Cerberus base.” Zaeed told Garrus everything he could remember, how the base was quiet, how Miranda had run off and how Shepard was taken down. When he was finished he closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the wall behind him.

Garrus was quite for a moment, “Thank you for getting her out of there.”

Zaeed opened his eyes and just stared at the Turian.

Garrus’s mandibles flared out and a deep rumble came from his chest. Turians were large hard skinned aliens, they didn’t have lips and facial mussels like humans. Within their species they used sub-harmonic hums and purrs to communicate emotions where their faces could not. These sounds were hard for humans to hear, but after first contact, the Turians had learned to pitch their sub-harmonics within human hearing range.

Zaeed understood and closed his eyes again, “Yeah.” Was all he said.

Garrus turned to leave, “You’re covered in blood. Get cleaned up before you scare the crew.”

Zaeed looked down at himself and took another long pull from his cigarette.

*****

_She was standing in a full length black and red gown with a low V-neck and long sleeves that hung off the shoulders._

_She was holding a tiny dagger in her right hand and a human heart in her left._

_She was on fire and yet not burning._

_Shining._

_She was beautiful._

_She opened her mouth to speak and blood poured out._

Zaeed woke with a start, knocking everything off the shelf next to his cot.

He took a deep breath to shake himself of the dream. What the fuck was that about?

Shit, he was still in his armour which was covered in Shepard’s blood and he stank. He must have passed out at some point, how long had he been out?

He made his way up to the armoury and by the time he got his armour off, cleaned, then had a shower, he was starving.

In the mess hall a sort of rotating vagal had started, with most of the crew spending their down time there instead of their quarters. Eyes locked on to the med bay for any sign of changes or progress to Shepard’s condition.

It must have been early morning when he had brought Shepard in because Gardner was just serving dinner now.

Zaeed grabbed a tray of what looked like chili and sat down. Soon he was joined by Jack who sat across from him and shot him a hard glare.

He didn’t say anything. She was as crazy as she was skinny and he didn’t want to set her off. He was too hungry for that shit.

Jack broke the silence and pointed to the med bay with her head. “So how bad is it?”

Zaeed ignored her stupid question and continued eating. It’s clearly pretty bad or Shepard would not have given up her damn ship to the Turian. He figured the little biotic bitch would have figured that one out on her own.

Jack leaned in close to Zaeed. “If Shepard dies. I say we take the ship.”

Zaeed chuckled. This kid was definitely more stupid then he originally thought. “Listen kid, this ship is bought and paid for by Cerberus. Not only is it the most powerful stealth frigate in the galaxy but it’s also goddamn beautiful. They would hunt you down and blow it up, with you still in it. Then, they would just build a new one.”

Jack threw her hand at him in dismissal, “What do you know?”

Zaeed grabbed her hand and slammed it down on the table, “More than you do and mutiny is not something you talk about at the fucking dinner table!” They had attracted a few glances of the crew seated closest to them. Jack did exactly what he was afraid of and let a biotic field flair out around her. They stood to face off when Garrus entered the mess.

“Jack, Zaeed, get a room.” At that some of the braver crew laughed.

Jack stormed off, back to her hole under the stairs. Zaeed shrugged his shoulders and shook his head “women.” At least he would be able finish his meal in silence.

Garrus took Jack's seat across from Zaeed and placed two cold beers down on the table along with his tray. Garrus popped them both with his taloned thumb and pushed one to Zaeed.

He looked at the Turian, “Beer at supper, now this is something Gartner should definitely add to the menu.” He recognized the brand as human safe and reached for it. They clinked bottles and sat in comfortable silence while they ate.

Suddenly EDI called over the coms “Captain Vakarian, your presence is requested in the med bay.”

Conversation came to an abrupt halt as Garrus stood. All eyes watched him walk from the mess to the med bay and when the doors closed behind him, low whispers spread out.  
Soon, the mess was filled with most of the ship’s crew.

Zaeed decided the Turian wouldn’t mind if he finished his beer for him. It was getting warm and if Shepard died, he was going to need something much stronger.

When Garrus finally emerged from the med bay, he looked worn and tried but happy. He was followed closely by Mordin and they were talking very intently in hushed voices. When Garrus looked up to see most of the crew in the mess. He straightened his back and flared his mandibles out into a Turian smile.

“Do you want to do the honours, Mordin?”

“Gladly.” Mordin stepped forward and addressed the crew “Shepherd is stable. Needs rest. Expect full recovery.” He smiled quickly and turned his full attention back to Garrus, “We need to discuss viable options…”

The rest of their conversation was cut off by the cheer that erupted from those gathered. Soon drinks were served and shared as EDI notified the rest of the crew working in other parts of the ship.

Zaeed had never been a part of such a caring crew. It was both goddamn adorable and nauseating. He smiled to himself and downed the rest of the Turians beer.

*****

When Shepard came to, it was like she was in a dream. She felt both heavy and weightless. Overheated and completely frozen.

She woke slowly to distant voices. One deep and low while the other was light and high.

They were strangely comforting.

Where was she?

What had happened?

She tried to remember but it was foggy and distant.

Instead she focused on the voices.

“When she wakes up she’s going to be disoriented and confused. I’m going to keep her slightly sedated, just to keep her calm.”

Karin approached the bed to check Shepard’s progress. “This will be the first time she has been significantly injured and unconscious since she woke up from her reconstruction in the Lazarus Base. Having familiar faces near her, will help keep her calm.

That voice.

It was caring.

It was familiar.

It belonged to Karin.

She was in the med bay.

Shepard’s eyes flew open as her memory came rushing back to her. She screamed as her body remembered the trauma from the last moments before her heart stopped.

Garrus was prepared for this, and caught her as she tried to sit up.

“Shepard you’re in the med bay, you need to stay calm.”

Though she was weak, she tried to fight him. It was an involuntary response to the shock she had experienced. Her brain hadn’t had the opportunity to compartmentalize everything that had happened. So he grabbed her and did the only thing he could think to calm her. He began to hum and purr in low tones. She stilled and as he continued, the tension leaving her body and she slowly relaxed into him.

After a while, she spoke in a cracked voice, “How long was I out?”

“Five days.”

She fell silent for a bit and he started to hum again. “I died, didn't I?”

Garrus looked at Karin, then back to Shepard, “Technically.”

She closed her eyes and let her head rest against Garrus’s chest.

She eventually straightened and pulled away from him. The Commander inside her was calling and the depends of that position must be met, “Current location?”

“We are headed to the Citadel, for upgrades and supplies.”

“You drained our plasma and blood reserves.” Karin placed her hand on Shepard’s forearm and squeezed, “You also gave us quite the scare. What’s the last thing you remember?”

“I remember the base. I was hit and Zaeed….”

“…Got you out, yeah. What about Miranda?”

“She lied, it wasn’t a Cerberus base.”

“That’s right.”

“Where is she?”

“She is confined to her quarters and under continuous guard.”

Shepard made an uncertain face, “What did you find out?”

Garrus smiled, she knew him so well. “I had EDI pull all communications…”

EDI came over the com, “Captain Vakarian you are needed in main engineering.”

Shepard looked over at him with a shocked expression. A sly smile spread slowly across her face, “Oh my God I didn’t...”

“You did.” He said quickly.

Shepard threw her head back as a high pitch squeal left her throat which turned into a full boisterous laugh.

It only lasted a few seconds before Shepard’s eyes grew wide and she started coughing. She clawed at Garrus frantically as she gasped for breath.

Karin rushed forward and placed an oxygen mask in her palm.

“Be calm. Breathe slowly, Shepard. Your lungs were badly damaged. The nano-bots in your blood are still repairing them.”

Shepard held the mask to her face tightly enough to bruise her skin. Garrus placed his hand lightly over hers. “It’s okay Shep, you’re not going to suffocate. Not again. I won’t let you. I’m right here… let go of the mask.”

She took a deep breath and slowly let go. Garrus replaced her hand with his own and held it to her face lightly.

“EDI, please notify engineering that the Captain is busy.”

“Very well, Doctor.”

Garrus hummed and held Shepard until she fell asleep.

Karin helped settle Shepard then walked him to the med bay doors.

“She isn’t okay is she?” He asked quietly.

“No, she is extremely vulnerable even if she is trying to hide it. She remembers suffocating to death in the vacuum of space. For us that was two years ago but for her that was 2 months ago.

“What do we do?”

“We do what we always have. We stay and stand with her. No matter what.”

“No matter what.” Garrus repeated

*****

When Shepard woke in the morning she was alone. She tried to stretch her arms, but winced as the pain from her damaged muscles reached her brain.

She needed to pee and she was starving, she lifted the blanket to see if she was clothed and was pleasantly surprised to discover that she was. She threw her legs over the side of the bed and began to move and stretch her limbs. Her arm was in a sling and bound around her waist but her legs seemed fine. She slowly placed her weight on her toes, then her entire leg. She walked around the bed a few times and when she was satisfied that she could hold herself up right, she let go of the bed. At that exact same moment the med bay doors swished open and Karin walked in.

“Good, you're up, how are you feeling?” Karin asked in a chipper voice.

“Numb, sore, starving, and disgusting. I need a shower.” Shepard replied dryly.

“Any pain? Nausea?” Karin continued.

“No nausea…not yet anyway but my arm feels numb.”

“It will pass…And your breathing?”

“Fine, I guess.”

“Good. You will be pleased to know we have just arrived at the Citadel.”

A huge smile spread across Shepard’s face as she lifted her head to the ceiling. “Joker.” She called, he would be up on the flight deck. EDI automatically patched Shepard straight to the pilot without having to be told.

“Commander? Wow, it’s good to hear your voice.”

“Big mac, large fires….”

“Belay that order!” Karin yelled, “You are not in a position to be eating fatty greasy food Shepard, you are still in my care.”

“Ohh, Momma Chakwas just pulled rank.” Joker hollered through the com.

“…But Mom?” Shepard complained.

“I have not released you yet. I’ll have Gartner make you some eggs, and get you some yogourt.” Shepard watched Karin leave and when the door closed behind her.

She whispered “Joker?”

“Yeah.” Joker whispered back

“Big Mac, large fry and a diet coke.”

“Oh no I’m not pissing off Kar-Bear for you. It’s not worth it.”

Shepard gasped in shock then said in a mocking tone, “You coward!”

“Listen, I need her to live, when you find a cure for Vrolik Syndrome let me know.”

There was a long pause

“It’s good to have you back.” Joker added

“…I love you too Joker.”

“Why do you have to make it weird?”

“…because it makes you uncomfortable.” She added jokingly.

She could practically hear Joker roll his eyes, “Later pretend Commander.”

Shepard laughed “Later coward.”

“Damn right.” Joker added and closed the com link

She looked down at the table next to her bed and found a stack of data pads and sighed heavily. Her breath was a bit uneven and she reached up to rub her chest. When her fingertips touched gauze she looked down to see her chest was covered in bandages. She began to pull at the corners on the largest one when Karin walked back into the med bay, with a tray of food.

“Leave them in place.”

Shepard snapped her eyes to Karin, “Damage report.”

Karin sighed and placed the tray down. Even though Shepard may not be in command at the moment, you could not separate her from it. So while Shepard ate, Karin debriefed her on her own medical condition.

No sugar coating.

Nothing withheld… except for one major detail.

When she was finished and Shepard had asked all her questions, “EDI can you please request that Professor Mordin join us in the med bay?”

“Of course Doctor.”

“Shepard. There is one more thing we need to discuss.”

Shepard looked at Karin curiously.

“During your extensive surgery, we found something…troubling.”

“Elaborate, please.”

“I would prefer to wait for the professor.” Karin added sheepishly.

“Sure.” Shepard was mildly concerned to find that Karin seemed nervous.

When Mordin walked in, he immediately started moving around the room disabling all the cameras and hidden recording devices. He did this while speaking and yet somehow he wasn’t saying anything.

“Shepard. Glad to see you awake. Was worried. Have made progress analyzing poisonous compounds from Cerberus Base. Fascinatingly complex could be used to fabricate toxic ammunition. Will take time to synthesize …”

Once he made it to her side, he placed a small device on the table next to her and activated it with his omni tool. “Room is secured, Doctor.”

“Thank you Professor.”

Shepard watched Mordin and Karin’s little exchange and crossed her arms over her chest. “Alright, spill it. What are you two hiding?”

Karin brought up a 3d scan of Shepard’s heart. “During your surgery, we found something.” She flipped the scan and highlighted the bottom of Shepard's heart. “Deep within your left and right ventricle are nano detonators.” She pointed to a few black dots within the scan and enhanced magnification. “Those are them, right there. Furthermore, Mordin and I suspect there are more of these in strategic places all over your body.”

Shepard closed her eyes. Of course the Illusive Man would have put in a fail safe. If she went rouge and he couldn’t have her. Then no one could.

Modrin began to speak, “Would recommend...”

Shepard threw her hand up to stop him, “A moment please.” Her hand curled into a fist which she calmly placed in her lap.

“Does Miranda know?”

Karin looked at Shepard with kind eyes, “She was most likely the one who installed them.”

Shepard shook her head, “Does Miranda know you discovered this?”

“Uncertain.” Mordin added.

Shepard sighed, “Recommendations?”

Karin spoke, “Huerta Memorial would be a safer option to obtain more detailed scans without altering Miranda or EDI and through them The Illusive Man.”  
“Have college there. Would be easy.” Mordin added quickly.

“I could arrange to personally pick up the medical supplies I ordered, to check the quality of them of course. You could meet us here and we can do the scan then.”

“Very well.” Shepard said quietly.

“Will make the arrangements.”

“Thank you Mordin.”

“Of course Shepard.” He left the device on the table and walked out of the med bay.

Shepard threw her head back on her pillow and closed her eyes. Fuck. She would have to deal with Miranda more delicately. Same with the Illusive man.

“Does Garrus know?”

“Yes.”

“Dammit Karin!” Shepard yelled, opening her eyes. She knew it would only cause him stress. He already worried more about her than anyone else in the entire Universe.

“He is the acting captain. If a decision needed to be made, he had to be aware.”

“Karin, you know him. This will only make him worry.”

Karin smiled, “I know, but someone has to.”

It was impossible to be mad or annoyed at her for any length of time. She was just too good at her job because she genuinely cared for her crew like her own children. Shepard looked at Karin and could easily imagine her as a caring Mother…in another life.

Shepard reached her hand out to the older woman who stood from her desk and walked over to accept it.

“I’m sorry if I scared you.” Shepard said quietly.

Karin shook her head and patted Shepard’s hand, “It’s what you do best.”

Shepard laughed, “I know.”

Shepard spent the next couple of hours experimentally walking around the med bay while going over the data pads that Garrus had left. She wasn’t surprised that she had not seen him yet today. Being in command tended to pull you in all directions at once. She appreciated the silence of the med bay though, it gave her the opportunity to hide and think.

She learned that Miranda had falsified the mission Intel from the TIM (The Illusive Man) and then forwarded it to Kelly. The original communication that EDI discovered from TIM outlined everything openly. It was an unarmed civilian lab, working on a bio-weapon that could prove useful against the Collectors. Sure, going in to collect the data would have been tricky but Shepard was a tactician. She would have figured it out.

The real question was why Miranda had lied.

In doing so, she not only endangered herself but the life of the woman whom she had spent the last two years rebuilding.

Shepard decided she would debrief TIM personally via the vid com on the failed mission. Keeping him in the loop would hopefully gain her his favor, and he would be less inclined to blow her up, maybe. Also, gauging his reaction about Miranda’s failure would hopefully give her insight on his relationship with her.

But that was a problem for later. Right now she felt like hell and smelled like trash.

“So what’s a girl got to do around here to get a shower?”

Karin laughed and pulled herself away from her paperwork. “Let me check your vitals.” Karin used her omni-tool to scan Shepard, then checked her bandages. “Your wounds have healed enough to shower but not for combat or sparring. They are deep and could re-open easily. I will release you from the med bay but not from medical leave. I will reevaluate you in one week.”

“One week?!?”

“That’s a direct order Shepard.”

“Karin this isn’t a military vessel anymore.”

Karin crossed her arms over her chest and raised her eyebrows, “Two weeks.”

Shepard’s jaw dropped.

“You need the rest. Now get out of my med bay.”

Shepard raised her hand up to her forehead and saluted, “Yes, mam.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It just makes sense to me that Mcdonalds would exist in the ME universe and that the Citadel would have one.


	3. Queen Of Dimonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But I know that you got your reasons. These things that are pleasin' you, can hurt you somehow.  
> Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy, she'll beat you if she's able.

When she finally left the med bay it was late into the evening and well past supper. The ship was gearing down for sleep and she made it to the lift and up to her cabin before anyone saw her.

She felt disgusting in more ways than one. Sure, she had been unconscious for five days but she could wash all that away. She could not however wash away all Cerberus had done to her. She would have to carry that around with her for the rest of her life.

She took the universe's longest shower. Carefully washing her hair that had grown well beyond the military standard. She had options for styles now. She could do whatever she wanted with it.

When she was finally stepped out of the shower, her body was so warm in contrast to the cold air in her cabin that her body steamed. She dried her hair with her omni-tool and let it fall loose over her shoulders.

Her body ached all-over and she was exhausted, she knew she should sleep but she didn’t want to, she had been out for five days already.

She tried to put a bra on but it cut across her healing wounds on her shoulder and chest and hurt like a son of a bitch. So she threw on a t-shirt and a hoodie over top, along with a pair of lounge pants and some light runners.

She reluctantly put the arm sling back on. It helped take some of the weight and pressure off her shoulder. Sure, she didn’t like to look weak but there was no way around it now.  
She was starving but she didn’t know if she had the strength for making food. Maybe there would be left overs in the fridge. Did Gartner even leave leftovers?

She left her cabin for the mess hall in search of food.

*****

Zaeed had been having a hard time sleeping recently. The failed mission at the fake Cerberus base had brought back bad memories. People and places long buried and forgotten were making themselves known again in his dreams.

He was restless and sick of the confined space of the Starboard Cargo Area.

When he made his way up to the crew deck and stepped out of the elevator, he could hear cursing coming from the mess. He slowly peered around the corner and found Shepard standing near the counter trying to open something.

He smirked and walked toward her. “Need a strong man to open that for ya sweetie?”

Shepard put the jar down and gave him the finger, “Yeah, do you know any?”

He moved closer to her and grabbed the jar, “Don’t be bitchy cuz you can’t open a Goddamn jar.” He pooped the lid and placed both on the counter in front of her.

“Don’t be a misogynistic asshole because a wounded soldier can't open a Goddamn jar.” Shepard snapped back.

She pulled a pickle out and aggressively bit the tip off.

He said nothing and moved around her to the fridge to grab a beer. He pooped the lid off and leaned up against the counter and watched her.

She just stood there eating pickles until her eyes suddenly grew wide and she rushed forward towards the sink. She barely made it before she began vomiting.

He reached over her head and turned on the tap. The running water would prevent it from clogging.

He was tempted to hold her hair back but that would be an intimate move and it was clear she was already pissed off about appearing vulnerable in front of him and he didn’t want to add to her irritation.

Instead, he grabbed a clean hand towel from a drawer and held it under the tap.

When she was done, she rinsed her mouth out and stood leaning over the sink with her eyes closed, breathing heavily.

“Here.” He said quietly. She opened her eyes and looked at him, he was holding the damp towel out to her.

She took it and whipped her mouth, “Thanks.”

“It was the vinegar. You can’t eat pickles on an empty stomach, whatcha need is protein.” He said.

“They were the only thing I could find.”

He opened the fridge and pulled out some bacon, a carton of eggs and another beer. He cracked the beer and handed it to her. “Drink that, it will calm your stomach and you look like shit so you probably need the calories.”

She scoffed at him, “Fuck off…”

He cut her off “Now, sit down and shut the fuck up before you pass out and this time I’ll leave your tight ass lying on the floor.” He could see the gears in her mind turning so he made it easier on her, by adding, “…Commander.”

Shepard was silent for a moment but she eventually sat down facing him on the opposite side of the counter. She recalled the night before the mission that had almost gotten her killed. She had spoken to him much the same way, like a fellow soldier and he was doing the same. This was either a very good thing or a very bad thing, most likely that latter.

She sipped her beer in silence as she watched him pull out more ingredients from the fridge. “…tight ass huh? You sure know how to charm a lady.”

“Well if one shows up let me know, will ya?” He looked at her, took a swig from his beer and winked.

Shepard didn’t hide the smile that spread across her face.

Conversation was easy after that, they talked about everything and nothing. They didn’t talk about the mission though, that debrief would come later in a much more official capacity. For now, their conversation was safe, not revealing or invading just two soldiers swapping stories, like they had before.

Soon the mess hall was filled with the delicious smell of frying bacon, “You didn’t strike me as the cooking type.” She said casually. 

He huffed at her, “A mercenary’s got to eat.” He served her up a plate loaded with eggs, bacon and hash browns. Then grabbed her another beer and placed it in front of her.

Shepard looked down at the food, “Yeah, but this is elaborate.”

“It’s the only goddamn meal I can make.”

Shepard grabbed the fork her handed her, “I would compliment you but I think it would go straight to your fucking head.”

“Nah…I already know it's damn good. I’ve been told so.”

“Oh?” Shepard said around a mouth full of food.

“After a long night with a lady, I’ll make breakfast before I leave.”

Shepard stopped eating and just stared at him. “I can’t decide what’s more shocking; the fact you cook breakfast or the fact you stay until morning?”

“Shut up and eat.” He said quickly.

“Do you also stay and clean up the mess? Cuz THAT would be impressive.” She added.

He didn’t say anything, but instead grabbed for her plate and started to pull it away from her. Shepard snatched it out of his reach and screamed “NO!”

He chuckled gruffly.

She returned to her food and after a few moments she spoke again “...wait…wait…just a second here. Does this mean, you just fed me after-sex-breakfast without the sex? Now, I’m just fucking disappointed.”

“Next time, sweetheart.” He said with a smile.

She returned his smile, “Don’t make promises you can’t keep old man.”

She downed the last of her beer but had overestimated her body's ability to filter the alcohol out of her system. Usually, her implants cleared it out extremely fast but they were busy healing other parts of her body. The beer coupled with the intense pain meds she was on caused her to stumble and when she was about to hit the ground, Zaeed caught her.

Her face was pressed up against his chest while she was laughing.

“You can down an entire goddamn bottle of Whisky and walk away but two beers and you can barley fucking stand! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“So many things…You smell nice, what is that sandalwood?”

“I’m not that fucking old.” He moved his arm around her shoulders and began walking her back to the med bay.

“No, not the med bay. I don’t want to spend another fucking second in that tomb. Take me to my quarters?”

“I’m not your goddamn chauffeur.”

“Yeah, you fucking are.”

In the lift he let her lean against the wall and she slowly slid down to the floor laughing. When the elevator stopped at her level he grabbed her and lifted her up over his shoulder, while he held onto her the back of her knees.

“You know if you wanted a better view of my ass you could’ve just said so.” She said nonchalantly.

“Shut up, no one likes a fucking tease.” He slapped her ass hard and she screamed.

When the doors of her quarters opened, he was shocked to find a massive room. The landing he was standing on had a mini armoury, a work area with a desk and a private bathroom with a shower. Down a few steps lead to the main bedroom with a couch, coffee table and a queen size bed.

“Holy shit woman, you’ve been holding out on me.” He put her down on the bed and took a look around the room.

The wall that separated the landing from the bedroom had a few model ships hanging on it. The coffee table was covered with pieces of one she was in the middle of working on. The couch was leather and had blue throw pillows on it and a blanket. The floor was covered in a gray rug. One wall was nothing but a giant fish tank full of real fish. The room even had a skylight that looked out into open space. On the landing, her desk area was covered in data pads but a framed picture of a very serious looking male soldier caught his eye.

He heard a small squeak come from behind him and when he turned around he found a small hamster in a glass tank staring at him.

“I bet you think you’re pretty goddamn cute, Don’t you?” He tapped on the glass and the hamster ran back into his little house. “You fluffy little bastard.”

Under her desk was a mini fridge. He pulled a bottle of water out and made his way back to Shepard. She was curled up on her side fast asleep. He put the bottle of water down on her night stand and headed over to the couch. He grabbed the blanket off and threw it over Shepherd.

Shepard’s cabin door suddenly opened and Garrus strolled in with his eyes deep in a data pad. He came to an abrupt halt when he looked up to find Zaeed standing at the foot of Shepard’s bed.

A deep rumble came from the Turians chest “Massani!”

Zaeed threw his hands up “Whoa, listen big fella, this ain’t what it looks like.”

Garrus had taken up a defensive stance in front of the doors and was stealing glances at Shepard’s sleeping form “What are you doing here!?”

Zaeed slowly walked away from the bed and moved towards the fish tank, “She couldn’t get up here on her own. I just helped her. That’s all.”

Garrus kept his eyes on Zaeed and approached the bed. He quickly looked at Shepard. She seemed unharmed and was sound asleep.

When Garrus turned back to Zaeed, he was already out the door.

Garrus returned his attention to Shepard. She was asleep in her arm sling and was still wearing her shoes. He sat down at the edge of the bed and gently grabbed her foot, it was so small in his massive taloned hand. He removed her shoe and did the same to the other. Once he released them she curled her feet and legs under the small blanket. He stood and moved the side of the bed and tried to remove her arm sling but she was resisting in her sleep.

“Shep… You need to take this off.”

“Mmmmm…”

“Shep.” He gently shook her and she grumbled more.

He sighed and pulled hard on the Velcro of the sling. She suddenly sat up and ripped the thing off her arm and threw it across the room. Then she face planted back onto the bed and curled up under the blanket again.

“Good enough.” He said under his breath.

*****

When Shepard woke up, she was alone. She also felt like she had been hit by a bus. The previous night was a bit of a blur... had Zaeed actually cooked her breakfast or did she dream that? Also, had she flirted with him? More importantly, had he flirted back? She dismissed the idea and stretched out in her bed.

“EDI, what time is it?”

“1645”

“WHAT!?” Shepard sat up in surprise. “You let me sleep the entire day away?”

“Dr. Chakwas checked your vitals and determined you needed the rest.”

“Oh god dammit, I have shit to do EDI!”

"Dr. Charkwas would also like me to inform you that she and Professor Mordin will be expecting you at Huerta Memorial Hospital later this evening."

Shepard sighed, "Thank you EDI." She didn’t know why she felt compelled to be so polite to a computer but it seemed like the right thing to do. Computers learned how to speak from the people around them, better to give EDI a positive role model because some of the people on this ship were definitely anything but.

“You are welcome Shepard. Logging you out.”

Even though it was late in the afternoon Shepard did her normal morning routine.

Calisthenics. Quick shower. Wash face. Brush teeth. Get dressed. BLah blah blah.

She spent the next hour going through emails and data pads. They stacked up pretty fast when you were unconscious for 5 days, correction make that 6 days.

“EDI, please notify the Captain I will be joining the crew for dinner and would like him to do so as well.”

“Of course, Shepard.”

There was a brief pause.

“Captain Vakarian would like to know if this is an order or a request.”

“It’s a request. You are welcome to join us as well EDI.”

“Shepard. I am an AI and am unable too...”

“EDI. That was a joke. Just say thank you.”

“Thank you, Shepard.”

As she exited the lift she could hear laughter and conversation coming from the mess. When she rounded the corner it all came to a stop. Then applause erupted.

Shepard threw her good hand up and smiled, “Okay…okay.” She knew well enough that playful jabs and jokes would come later, once she was healed. It was how soldiers eased the tension of life threatening injuries.

For now, she wasn’t a commander, she was just a regular member of the crew and they were happy to see her.

She tried to take a tray from Gartner but Garrus grabbed it for her along with his own. Once they were seated across from each other, conversation among the crew started up again.

Shepard raised her beer to Garrus “Captain.”

He did the same “Commander.”

They clicked drinks and laughed.

“I hate you.” Garrus said with a smile.

“You know damn well had I told you about that protocol, you would have never allowed it.”

“You could have warned me.”

“Nope.” She took a drink from her beer and waved it in his face. “When did this become a thing?”

“The first night you were in the med bay, on Turian ships one drink is allowed with supper.”

“How…progressive.” She would have to take it slow, unless she wanted a repeat of last night. She didn’t think she would ever be able to live that down if the crew saw her like that. Shepard was no light weight unless she was injured apparently.

As she ate she looked around the mess and noticed that her ‘specialists’ were nowhere to be seen. To be fair, she still had many more to recruit but the ones she did have, weren’t here. They were probably on the Citadel getting into all kinds of trouble.

She turned back to Garrus, “Miranda?”

“Still confined to quarters. Oh and that reminds me, she just sent the Illusive Man the ‘Fake Base’ debrief. Try not to pop a blood vessel when you read it.”

He handed over the data pad and she glanced through it.

Miranda’s report outlined the injuries that Shepard had sustained had been inflicted through Miranda’s own negligence. The mission had been a failure because of Miranda. 

This report was 100% accurate and it shocked the hell out of Shepard. She had expected Miranda to lie, she had on the mission intel why wouldn't she lie to cover her own butt? 

“Well that's not what I expected.” She said quietly.

Garrus chuckled “Right, I haven't read the entire thing but…”

Shepard continued to skim over the report as Garrus spoke.

Then that train of thought came to a complete halt when she read the words “Hidden biotic potential” and then she couldn't hear Garrus anymore. 

She reread the words and back tracked to find more information but all it said was “See attached file.”

It was a video.

It was footage of the fake base from Shepards perspective after the EMP had been set off.

Her chest cam would have been deactivated. How did Miranda get this?

The video continued and she saw herself whip around to face the lab tech with the crossbow. Her hand went up in a defensive position and from her fingertips and red biotic field could be seen spreading out. The tech fired and the bolts went wide due to the shield she created around her hand. She was thrown back, the world tipped and the video went black.

Shepard suddenly stood up knocking her beer over on her food. 

Garrus was startled “Shepard what's wrong?”

Shepard was not a biotic, never had been, never would be. That's not some skill you just learn overnight. It's an ability you are born with and Shepard had not been. 

“That's not fucking possible.” She said out loud.

She turned around and made a beeline for Miranda's office. 

When the doors opened, Shepard stormed in and Miranda was nowhere to be found.


	4. Queen of Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet.  
> Now, it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table. But you only want the ones that you can't get

Shepard was standing in Miranda’s cabin…alone. Then her Omni-tool pinged with a message from Karin.

Shepard, if could please make your way to Huerta Memorial Hospital, we will be ready for you here shortly.

“Fuck!” She said out loud to no one.

Now is not a good time Karin. She sent back.

Now, is the only time Shepard.

She sighed.

Alright, I’ll be right there.

“EDI? Where is Miranda Lawson?”

“Miranda is her cabin.”

“Thank you EDI.” Shepard said with a tight smile.

“You are welcome Shepard. Logging you out.”

Shepard knew the Normandy was a Cerberus vessel which didn’t belong to her. That’s the reason she had made the switch in Command from herself to Garrus public after the failed mission. She knew Miranda had true control, however the crew didn’t know that. If Miranda had tried to take the Normandy out from under Garrus while Shepard had been unconscious, the crew would have turned on her.

Miranda could also make EDI say and do whatever she wanted, but she couldn’t make the crew do the same.

The video Miranda had sent to The Illusive Man could have been manufactured by EDI but Zaeed would know the truth because he had been there. He had seen everything with his own eyes.

Shepard turned on her heel and walked out of Miranda’s office and back to the mess.

Garrus approached her, he could tell she was pissed off by the way she was pushing her lips together into a tight line. “It went that well, huh?”

“Miranda isn’t in her cabin Garrus.”

Garrus’s mandibles flared out in surprise.

“When was the last time anyone saw her?” Shepard whispered.

“…I.. I’m… not sure…”

“You didn’t check on her?”

“…not recently.”

“When was the last time you saw her?”

“Dinner, yesterday.”

Shepard closed her eyes. “I need to think.”

Was Miranda a danger to her or the crew?

She didn’t believe so but that sinking feeling was returning to her chest that made her second guess herself.

Was Miranda still on the ship?

Probably not, but she needed to know for sure.

Who did she trust?

Mordin and Karin for sure but they were on the Citadel. Garrus was solid, Joker too. Jack was definitely not a fan of Miranda but her attitude towards authority didn’t fill Shepard with confidence. Kasumi was more neutral but Shepard could admit she didn’t fully trust the thief. Zaeed was nebulas, was he loyal to her or his paycheck?

Paycheck.  
She looked over at Garrus, “Call Zaeed back to the ship.”

Garrus activated his Omni-tool and did what she asked. “What are you planning?”

She ignored him momentarily, “Joker?”

“Yeah Cap… I mean Shep.”

“I need you to search through the surveillance footage of the main airlock for the last 24 hours.”

“…Why?”

“I need to know when Miranda left.”

“What? Wasn’t she supposed to be…you know what, I don’t want to know.”

“Report back ASAP.”

“You got it.”

“So what’s the plan Shep?” Garrus asked

What was her plan?

“I need to leave the ship for a medical scan on the citadel.”

“I'll go with you.” He cut in quickly.

“No Garrus, that would be unwise. I need you to stay with the ship.”

“Why?”

She stared at him. She really needed to figure out a way to communicate with her team without the ship fucking listening all the time. She would have to save that conversation for Mordin. For right now, what was she going to tell Garrus? That she had a feeling in her gut that Miranda might try and take the ship? That he would be the only thing on this boat that could keep her from it? No. She had no proof of that.

“Something isn’t right here and you know it. Just trust me Garrus.”

“Fine. But take Massani with you.”

She shook her head, “No. I need him here to protect you and the ship, just in case.”

“Absolutely not.” Garrus said in a raised voice.

So far their hushed voices had gone unnoticed by the crew in the mess but now conversations had stopped and eyes had wandered over to them.

Shepard moved closer to him. “Garrus, I am not asking permission.”

“Shepard, don’t be stubborn. You are wounded!”

“I’m not defenseless Garrus. I can take care of myself!” She turned and took a few steps away from him.

“NO YOU CAN’T!” He yelled at her back.

She came to stop.

“You’re taking Massadi with you. That’s an order Shepard!”

All movement and conversation in the mess stopped. Even Gartner paused washing up and looked over.

All eyes were upon her. If she openly disobeyed Garrus in front of the crew, it would undermine the authority she herself had given him. How could she expect the crew to have his back if she didn’t.

He was pitting her against herself and he knew it.

She turned to face him and when her eyes met his, he could see a faint red glow deep within them. Had her eyes always done that?

He forced himself to keep staring at her, if he showed any sign of weakness, she would win. Like she always did.

The tension was so thick between them, Gartner could have cut it with a knife and served it for dessert.

Shepard broke first. She sighed and she let her shoulders and head fall forward.

She took a deep breath and straightened her back.

“Yes, Sir.” She said loudly.

Garrus hadn’t realised he had been holding his breath but he let it out in a huff.

Shepard turned her gaze to the crew in the mess, “That’ll be all.” She said sharply and turned away.

Conversation and movement started back up with a little too much enthusiasm. Dishes slammed and people turned away and talked loudly about nothing.

She looked back at Garrus then turned on her heel and walked away from him towards the elevator.

**********************  
When Zaeed walked out of the decontamination cycle of the main air lock he could hear Shepard’s voice. He turned to his left and saw her leaving over Jokers chair in a tight pair of blue jeans.

“Enjoying the view, Zaeed?” Said without looking at him.

“Well since you asked...”

She straightened and shot him a glare over her shoulder that was full of fire.

“Don’t ask a question that you don’t want an answer too, sweet heart.” He added and moved to her right.

“It was rhetorical, old man.” She said and returned her eyes back to the screen on Jokers console.

“Right.” Was all he said. He knew damn well that question wasn’t rhetorical. She just wasn’t used to people calling her out on it.

“What have we got?” He asked.

“Miranda has escaped the ship and is somewhere on the Citadel.”

“So?” He added.

“The Captain wants you to escort me to Huerta Memorial.” She placed heavy emphasis on the word Captain.  
“Don’t you just hate it when Mom and Dad fight…” Joker tried to say with a laugh but Shepard cut him off with the same glare she used on Zaeed. However, this time it had the desired effect and Joker gulped down any further comments he was about to make.

“Forward what you found on Miranda to the Captain and notify him of our departure.” She said sternly.

“Will do.”

She patted his head messing up his hat. “Hey!” He called but she had already turned away from him “Thanks Joker.”

“Yeah yeah.” Joker said quietly.

She turned to Zaeed, “Let's get this over with.”

“Trouble in paradise?” Zaeed said with a chuckle.

“Shut up.” 

**********

They made it through Citadel security quickly and hopped into the closest available sky car. Shepard let Zaeed take the driver's side while she took the passenger.

So far this was the most confined space she and Zaeed had ever been in. She could smell his cologne or aftershave. It was clean and almost sweet with the tiniest twinge of gun oil underneath. He must have showered just before heading back to the Normandy which meant he had woken up dirty. What had he been doing all night? Or more accurately, who had he been doing all night?

He had his right hand on the steering wheel even though the sky car was in auto pilot.

Shepard looked at his hands, she kinda had a thing for hands and he had a set of strong ones. Her mind wondered, what would they feel like on her body? What would they feel like in her body?

“We need to talk.” She said suddenly.

“What abo…” Shepard cut him off by straddling his lap.

“What the hell are you doing?” He said without touching her.

“We should just fuck already and get it out of the way.”

Zaeed said nothing and just stared at her.

“You honestly didn’t think I would let that sex-breakfast go without the sex, did you?”

She ran her thumb down the scar on the side of his face and brought her mouth down to his. She ran her lips across his lightly until he pulled away slightly. She sat up and looked down at him. She could see the gears in his mind working against her so she decided to make it easier for him.

“If we do this. We do it as equals. Me as a woman and you as a man. Nothing else. Rank. Age. None of it matters.”

She whipped off her t-shirt and revealed a black lace bra.

“What do you say old man?”

He cracked that lopsided grin of his as he looked at her tits, “Whatever you want sweetheart.”

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him as she grabbed his face and brought her lips down to his in a crushing kiss. They opened to each other instantly and deepened the kiss the moment their tongues touched.

This was going to be hard and fast. Something to get the edge off. They could slow things down and explore each other later, if he wanted too or not. Whatever. It didn’t fucking matter. For right now, she just wanted to get fucked by a man who knew what he was doing. Someone to bring her to her knees. Someone to make her explode. No strings attached. No fucking feelings involved. Just bodies moving together in the dark. 

A moan left her throat as he moved his hand to the curve of her breast and then he palmed her and squeezed hard. She released his lips and threw her head back as a deep shiver ran through her body. He pulled the straps of her bra down revealing her nipples which had grown hard in a matter of seconds. She arched her back and brought her chest closer to his mouth in a silent plea. He knew what he was doing and hungrily took what was offered. He pulled hard on her nipples with his teeth “Oh fuck.” She moaned.

“Penny for your fucking thoughts?” Zaeed asked.

Shepard snapped back to reality sitting in the sky car next to him. Shit. Where the hell did that train of thought come from? Had she moaned out loud?

She risked a glance over at him and he was smiling that lopsided grin of his.

Fuck! Either answer his question or change the fucking subject.

She cleared her throat. “We need to talk.”

“About?” He asked, still holding his smile.

She brought up her Omi-tool and opened the attached video file she had copied from Miranda’s report. She dropped the file to his Omni tool.

“Is it real?” She asked him.

He pulled up the file and opened it. As he watched it his expression changed from indifferent to amused to shocked. When it was over he looked at her with the same shocked expression and said nothing.

Shepard closed her eyes. “Fuck!” She yelled.

A beat of silence fell between them. Then he spoke.

“I thought maybe my mind was going on me. That I was seeing things. It was over so quickly. Didn’t have time to think about it. Hadn’t thought about it since.”

“This shouldn’t be possible. I’m not a biotic… What did Cerberus do to me?” She said quietly.

Zaeed said nothing.

They rode the rest of the way in silence.

*********

The scan at Huerta Memorial revealed that her heart was indeed laced with micro explosives and a few of her bones as well. Some of these were probably meant to incapacitate her and not kill her. They also learned that her right eye was some type of camera and everything she said and did was probably being recorded or at the very least being viewed in some way.

Mordin and Karin made her leave the room as they discussed the data and possibly what to do about it.

She understood and left.

She knew with Miranda on the loose she shouldn’t wonder around the Citadel alone but she couldn’t help it. She just started walking and soon she found herself down in the wards standing in front of her favorite ramen shop.

She wasn’t hungry, not even in the slightest but she ordered her favorite anyway.

She sat down and closed her eyes. The Wards were always busy and full of life at any time of the day. The sounds of people talking and eating reminded her of a different place. A brief time in her life when she was happy and stupid, like all young people.

She smelled her approach and had her pistol pointed at Miranda’s face before she could even open her eyes.

“I just want to talk.” Miranda said with her hands held out to show she was unarmed. Not that that meant anything coming from a Biotic. Her mind WAS a weapon.

“We could have done that in the Normandy.” Shepard said through gritted teeth.

“We needed neutral ground. The ship belongs to me but the crew belongs to you.”

Shepard sighed “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t just shoot you right here and call it a day.”

“I have them too.”

“Excuse me what?”

“The detonators are in my heart and at the base of my skull. He calls them safety measures.”

There was a beat of silence then as the waiter appeared with her Raman. She set the gun down on the table and took the Raman. She motioned for Miranda to sit down and put her hands under the table and sent an emergency ping to Garrus.

“Why would someone do that?”

“He doesn’t like sharing.”

“Who else on the ship has them?”

“Most of the crew…including Joker.”

Shepard wanted to scream and strangle the bitch but that wouldn’t help the situation. Joker had mentioned special bones treatment they had given him to improve his condition but of course they came with a catch.

“Is there a way to deactivate them?” Shepard asked calmly.

“That power belongs exclusively to the Illusive man.”

Shepard sighed. “Don’t call him that. It makes him sound like a fucking bond villain and I will not give that smug son of a bitch the satisfaction.”

Silence feel between them and seemed to stretch on forever. “Let's get right to the source of the issue between us Miranda.”

Shepard leaned back in her chair and stared at Miranda. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Miranda sighed. “I made a mistake. I know I’m not perfect but I’ve made people believe that I am. I wanted to remind him of that and I failed.”

“You almost got me killed, Miranda. Correction, you did get me killed.”

“I know. This isn’t easy for me to admit but I was jealous of you, I couldn’t see what he saw in you and it pissed me off, I wanted to hate you but I couldn’t.”

Shepard let silence fall between them again, it was a useful tool that made people feel uncomfortable and they would speak to try to fill silence.

“He is different now, we were very close once and now…I don’t know.” Miranda said quietly.

There was the truth Shepard was seeking, it made this entire fiasco make more since. Miranda was afraid of her boss far more then she was afraid of Shepard. That man was a psychopath, he had installed tiny bombs in all their bodies. Miranda’s fear made sense. Shepard knew all too well what fear could do to a person. It was something she could forgive, if this had been a pride thing she would have shot Miranda right then and there.

“I’ll take the fall for the failed mission but I have a few demands and restrictions in return.”

“What?” Miranda said.

“I want you in light armor combat training ASAP because the damn cat suit in battle if fucking ridiculous.” Miranda opened her mouth to protest but Shepard cut her off. “Aboard the Normandy I am your boss. The crew must see me as the one in command so you will have to follow my orders. I understand that you get orders from TIM but you need to be open with me. We will figure out what to do about him together. Is that clear Miranda?”

“Yes… Shepard.”

“There will be no more lying. No more falsifying mission itinerary or debrief reports, unless I tell you too.”

“Yes, Shepard.”

“I don’t trust you Miranda but I want you to change my mind.” Miranda was a problem but if Shepard could get her on her side, then Miranda could be useful against the bigger problem, her boss, TIM (the Illusive man).

“Since you are being so forthcoming, is there anything that can be done about the camera in my eye?”

“How did you find out about that?”

“I have my ways but you should have told me.”

“The video feed goes directly to me and the Illus…TIM can assess it at any moment of his choosing.”

Shepard slammed her hand down on the table spilling some of her Raman “What the fuck Miranda? Does no part of my body belong to me?”

“I can’t cut the feed but I can cut the sound and I will also give you access to it and remove myself from it.”

“Well that’s a start. Is there anything other surprises I should know about my body?” Shepard finally turned her attention to her Raman that was growing cold very fast.

“There is one thing… your body is mostly brand new. All regrown and reconstructed.”

“Hu-huh” Shepard said around a mouth full of food.

“That includes your vagina.” Miranda said very quickly.

Shepard choked momentarily and had to cough up Raman to speak. “You fucking bitch!”

“There was no other way. You were…there was not much left”

Shepard chucked which turned into a full laugh.

Suddenly Kasumi de-cloaked in the chair next to Shepard.

“Are you going to finish that?” Kasumi pointed to her Raman.

Shepard pushed the bowl over to her, “Well you took your sweet time.”

“Been here the whole time, didn’t want to interrupt your little heart to heart.”

“No, you just wanted to eavesdrop.”

“It will give us more to talk about.” Kasumi said happily.

“Can I ask you a question Shepard?” Miranda asked quietly.

Shepard just nodded.

“How would you have handled the mission?”

“That’s easy. Had you of given me the original itinerary, I would have sent Kasumi to get the bio-weapon because she’s the greatest thief in the fucking Galaxy!”  
Kasumi grinned at Miranda around a mouth full of food.

“What’s the point in having a specialist if I don’t use them! I’m a tactician, Miranda. It’s my job to make the best decisions to achieve the goals of the mission. It’s not to make me look good. It’s not to be sexy though that can be an added bonus. It’s about completing the mission and I’m damn good at it. That’s why your boss brought me back to life.”

Shepard stood and stretched her wounded stiff body, “We need to get back to the Normandy, Garrus is probably freaking out.”

“Oh yeah.” Kasumi then downed the rest of the Raman and stood.

“Shall we ladies?” Shepard waved them to her.

While Kasumi skipped ahead and Miranda had made it to Shepard’s side, she quietly whispered to Miranda, “If I find out that you only made amends because you want to study my red glow thing and then send that research to the Illusive Man to impress him…not only will I torture and kill you but I’ll let Jack do it.”

Miranda stopped walking.

“I don’t trust you Miranda but I want you to change my mind.”

“…Yes, Shepard.”

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to Tara, Amanda and Jonathan. They always supports my trash. Like and comment if you also support my trash.


End file.
